Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
