lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Small penises have feelings too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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