i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
