Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
