It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
