I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
