how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
