did you get engaged???
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize