if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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