i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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