Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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