I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
