you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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