So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
