I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
