I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
