PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
