I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
