There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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