Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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