The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
