Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
