I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
