ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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