We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
