just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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