I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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