I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
