I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize