the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
