why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
