thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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