I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
