an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
