If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
