i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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