the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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