So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
