someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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