He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
