your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
