I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
