I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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