I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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