Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
