I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
