Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
