why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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