his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
