You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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