Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
