I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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