im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
