I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize