too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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