it wasn't lemon gatorade
there's paper in my vomit.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
