My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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