the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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