And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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