Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
