new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
