Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
