thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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