dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
