i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize