when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
