literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
