But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize