it hurts more in the daytime
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
