it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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