He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
