i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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