dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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