where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
