I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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