Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize