Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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