I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
