Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize