can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
