I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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