i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
