i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
wow bdsm is so cute
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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