Too much gin, very little bucket
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
