Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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