The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
