Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
