she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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