worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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