Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
