oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
