I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
