mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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