Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize