see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
