nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
sarcasm needs its own font
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
