There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
