She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
