i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
