That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
